semi intervention

this morning on my way to school:
i was in the far right lane on the highway and a white SUV to my left starts coming into my lane fixing to hit me, so i slam on my breaks and swerve and the white SUV hits the back right corner of my car which caused me to spin around completely and do a couple 360's, landing me in the middle of the lanes facing oncoming traffic and a semi truck hits me head fucking on. that caused me to spin a couple more times and i slam into the far left wall of the HOV lane. there had to have been at least 8 police cars and some fire trucks and an ambulance. and the majority of the time i kept thinking "shit, i caused all this traffic. i'm such a bitch" and being grateful that no one was in there with me. my car is totaled. and all i have are some lacerations on my right arm/hand from the glass and a burn on my chest from the airbag. i didn't even need stitches.

i keep hearing how lucky i am. the paramedics said they've seen people not make it from accidents a lot less severe. and for the first time in a while, i do feel lucky. odd as it sounds, i feel like i needed this. it's put a lot in perspective for me. i should have died today, and i would have died not as thankful as i should be. i have the most amazing best friend i could ever fathom. and i keep bitching about not having any more friends and being bored when i should really be thanking 'god' or the universe or who the fuck ever that i've got taylor banks, and my sister and michael, and my mom and everyone else that just gives a shit about me.

so fuck this. i refuse to dwell on all the good times i had with bad people. because if you guys can't fucking get off your goddamn high horse and be a little nicer to me, then fuck you. i don't care about you, especially if you don't care about me. i appreciate the memories but that's all they are now. this is it. i am letting you go. so please, go.